No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
