you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
