Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize