i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
