Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
false alarm. still invincible.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
