After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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