drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
