Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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