I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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