also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
