Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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