Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
