How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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