I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
