Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize