I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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