she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
well you can't waste a boner
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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