i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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