So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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