Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I can't put those talents on a resume
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
