so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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