So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
