you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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