shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
