Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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