How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
