He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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