Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
