u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
