Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
