Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
