Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize