i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
