the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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