smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
