So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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