I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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