I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
whose ass print is on the piano?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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