oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I believe in your delicious
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize