Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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