i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize