i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
