I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So vagazzling was a success
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize