You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
