Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I would fuck him just for his dog
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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