Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
