Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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