that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
