Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
