..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
