Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
