btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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