I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
