I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
