he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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