He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
