and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
