But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
