i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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