Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
