we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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