she woke up with a sticky ear
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
