I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize