got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
