But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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