Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
