Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
