do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
