i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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