I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
